I guess this is the dominant feeling that I have for almost the first part of my day. One might say that I am such a bitch for having to get this kind of attitude but I cannot help but feel it.
The plan to go here was to look for work. It took months of preparation - and getting used to the idea that I will be away from home for the first time in my life. More than setting the right attitude, I pressure myself because this is going to be now or never.
Leaving work - especially the name of the company where I have worked for the past eighteen months was indeed a difficult decision. And no matter how crap I have always thought my work was, it was still stable. Here, not only do I get to have the title of being unemployed, I only get half the chance of finding work. So it frustrates me to realize that he does not care enough about that fact. Yes, he went here with me. But he still have a job - a fall back just in case this plan is not meant to be. I don't know how to explain it because for me, it is plain enough to understand. Every minute counts - yes, I am on schedule because I don't have the time and the money to spend for this stay. Darn it.
Friends are supposed to be - caring, understanding and mature. I don't know. Yes, I criticize your friend. That doesn't mean that I choose better friends than you do or that I am wiser than you are. But I do not let my friends make me look stupid. Heck, this friend did not even bother to communicate effectively when he has all the time and the means to do so. Now why do we have to just act like his effing beck and call when he needs us? Does that even qualify the meaning of a true friendship?
And what's up with being stubborn? Leaving your passport? No money or MRT card? In a place where it is important that you need to always have an identification? Why walk in the rain even if you have an umbrella? Why insist on walking when you can sit for awhile and think and plan on what is the next best practical thing to do? Why tell me that I don't know how to value your friends when you try to value mine? Even when you can plainly see that your so-called friends does not even bother to say hi or hello even when they don't need anything from you? Are they really worth it? Is that the kind of relationship you'd like to have for people you are supposed to treasure you for a lifetime.
I am so pissed off and frustrated.
Now I am thinking of just going back home on the 31st.
To start again and forget this dream.
