Contemplating

sigh? here am i contemplating again.. Contrary to my nature... when I prefer to think. I don't want to be disturbed. And I really am not speaking at all. Plus it adds up the fact that I am not feeling well. I feel that I am going to be sick and I know that it is not ..."only in the mind" as what I usually say.

whew.. I don't even know what to feel right now. I just passed up the opportunity for the career that I would like to have... actually it just to put it mildly. It has been the job that I always have dreamed of having... and why the hell did I let it pass? because of the schedule... graveyard. darn it.

I have been on the evening to graveyard shift for a year and a half now when I was granted the morning shift after a lot of strenuous and not-that-easy process here at MSN. And just after a week I turned down the proposal. I even promised myself that I will not have any regrets because I am trying to live a normal career on the morning.

And right now I am so close to just quitting because of the selfish management who does not know how they will be able to at least commend the efforts of their employees. Rubbish... and please don't ask my what the heck am I doing here..

I just wanted to shout right now...