True Colors

hmm - i am a person of many questions.. why? because I love to think.. and basic all before... my OC was to write everything I feel... maybe it be good or bad,,, it is my way of expression.. and I haven't done that lately. when my journal was my bestfriend.. there you can see the real me.. my fears.. my hope... my beliefs and my source of joy..

as corny as it seems.. it is me.. i wonder.. can someone love me for who i really am and not for the person they perceives me to be?aa

i remember a friend - though we are not into speaking terms anymore.. well, basically because I was the one who decided to stay away.. this person.. gave me that song during one of my lowest times...

and am I capable of making someone happy when they see the true colors?

oh what a day...

i am exhausted. we have been working about 9 hours.. i was even too sleepy to eat and just dozed off when i arrived home. and it may be that i woke up at the wrong side of the bed.. i learned that huhun was with his HS friends. see, i dont have any problems with that. they are, after all his friends.. or whatever.. the thing that I don't like is alcohol.. though I am not biased, I mean.. what the hell does it good to you? and why do they have to drag other people into habits of drinking... if they want to be miserable... then let them be.. but not as to get involved with their so-called habits. darn. was I mad like i have not been the mad before. huhun insisted that he will make hatid.. i am really not pissed off, not worried... concerned is the exact word to explain it. i don't like him to drive and drink... it is so obvious to know the reason why.. what really pissed me off was his friends laughing at the backseat.. oh well, it is not my car and nakikisakay lang ako kaya i have know right to complain.. but it irritated me more.. when they just laughes... i mean *wtf??? was that all about... or is there way to avoid the silence?well... apparently -- it annoyed me more.. knowing that naka-inom na sila kaya mas lalong makulet?? sigh? i am willing to know and befriend the people that he loves and that is a part of his life. no questions on that.. but I am jsut wondering what good does it do if they always drink kapag nagkikita? wala na bang ibang maganda at kapaki-pakinabang na gagawin aside from that???? some people may comment on this that I am such a worry-freak... well, i dont care.. why? because this is me.. when I am not okey.. I am not going to pretend to be okey. WYSIWYG . that is me. nothing to pretend. if just by any case, you will be reading this huhun.. i know you do understand... and i know you know what i feel and you are sorry.

after offs..

oh well... i really feel so lazy going to work after my offs.. :) and there are alot of long calls and so many calls today. sometimes I ask myself how the hell did i get into this kind of job. True, I like helping people but sometimes I get tired of just talking yadah-yadah 8 hrs a day.

good thing there is slipihead who always remind me that if it were not for this job, I wil not be able to help my family and buy things I want. sigh? sometimes, this everyday habit gets boring and draining also.. esp if you're dealing with stupid people who are trying to make things harder by pretending to be smart.

and speaking of pc. i did upgrade ours... well, parang saiplitan and biglaan pa nga? nahiya ako kay sleepyhead ng sobra.. his savings was the money we used first and then he was the one who did almost everything. but i swear, when I saw him mad yesterday.. - i was a liitle bit afraid.. trying to think how to pacify him. I was guilty also because I forgot to remind him that it was 110volts. well, at least now it is workign again..

thanks to my sleepyhead.. dont know what i'd do without him... whew!