Wednesday, December 6, 2006

All I Want for Christmas



I don't want a lot for Christmas
There's just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is... You


I don't want a lot for Christmas
There's just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I don't need to hang my stocking
There upon the fireplace Santa Claus won't make me happy
With a toy on Christmas day
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you You baby


I won't ask for much this Christmas
I don't even wish for snow
I'm just gonna keep on waiting
Underneath the mistletoe
I won't make a list and send it
To the North Pole for Saint Nick
I won't even stay awake to
Hear those magic reindeers click
'Cause I just want you here tonight
Holding on to me so tight
What more can I do
Baby all I want for Christmas is you Ooh baby


All the lights are shining So brightly everywhere
And the sound of children's
Laughter fills the air
And everyone is singing
I hear those sleigh bells ringing
Santa won't you bring me the one I really need
Won't you please bring my baby to me...
Oh I don't want a lot for Christmas

This is all I'm asking for I just want to see my baby
Standing right outside my door
Oh I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
Baby all I want for Christmas is... You
All I want for Christmas is you... baby




Monday, November 13, 2006

The Alchemist

^.~ It's the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting.
Never stop dreaming.^.~
^.~ Not everyone can see his dreams come true in the same way.
Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own. ^.~
^.~ The world's greatest lie: At a certain point in out lives we lose control of what's happening to us and our lives become controlled by fate.
When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.^.~
^.~ Intuition is really a sudden immersion of the soul into the universal current of life, where the histories of all people are connected, and we are able to know everything because it's all written there.
If you can concentrate on the present, you'll be a happy man…the secret is here in the present. If you pay attention to the present, you can improve upon it. And if you improve on the present, what comes later will also be better…Each day, in itself, brings with it an eternity.^.~
^.~ Everything has been written by the same hand.
All things are one.^.~
^.~ Courage is the quality most essential to understanding the language of the world.
Everyone on earth has a treasure that awaits him.^.~
^.~ Wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure.
You've got to find the treasure, so that everything you have learned along the way can make sense.^.~
^.~ There is only one way to learn. It's through action.
Listen to your heart. It knows all things, because it came from the Soul of the World and it will one day return there.^.~
^.~ This natural world is only an image and a copy of paradise.
The existence of this world is simply a guarantee that there exists a world that is perfect.^.~
^.~ No heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity.
Most people see the world as a threatening place, and because they do, the world turns out indeed to be a threatening place.^.~
^.~ When you possess great treasures within you, and try to tell others of them, seldom are you believed.
No one fails to suffer the consequences of everything under the sun.^.~
^.~ There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.
When we love, we always strive to become better than we are.^.~
^.~ When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.
Without love, dreams would have no meaning.^.~
^.~ Love is the pure language of the world...A language without words…the one true language of the universe. It requires no explanation, just as the universe needs none as it travels through endless time.
Love is the force that transforms and improves the soul of the world.^.~
^.~ The boy reached through to the Soul of the World and saw that it was a part of the Soul of God. And he saw that the Soul of God was his own soul. And that he, a boy, could perform miracles.
No matter what he does, every person on earth plays a central role in the history of the world. And normally he doesn't know it.^.~
^.~ A philosophy of life: I'm an adventurer, looking for treasure.

Friday, November 10, 2006

Totally confused

I am a clingy person and I know that by heart.

And even if I easily get hurt, I try to put up a face and let others know how strong I can be..

My soft spot is my family. I don't know if there was even a time that I did make deadma when they need something.. No matter how I try, to just at least get a grip of my finances, I could not.

Maybe because I know for a fact that I am the only person who has a legit work right now. And my father was not stingy when he was still earning green money.

I don't want you to think that they are actually taking advantage, moreover they are hoarding my salary. I just can't bear seeing my mom desperately seeking for money to pay for the bills, bring food at the table.. and give my siblings allowances.

I am not the shopaholic type of person who buys anything and everything I want either. From what I can clearly recall, it has been months since I bought myself a pair of shoes... and no I am not having self pity.

Like any others girl in my age, I have alot of dreams -- which I could have this or that... But I do not tolerate the materialism attitude so I was able to refrain myself.

The only expense that I have is the transportation allowance and the the food.. That's all.

So I am actually wondering why I could not save.. Darn it.. Maybe I am not trying too hard. Maybe I am not as spend thrift as I am..

I am close to tears now.. I wanted to justify myself to you.. to let you know that somehow.. someday, maybe I will be the kind of person that you wish me to be..

I know it is for my own good.. I know you just care.. But what hurts me most is that it makes me feel guilty every time you mention the word "save". That it seemed that I am not doing anything.. and all is worthless..

I wanted to see you right now. selfish me to ask you to make sundo even if you are not feeling okay.. But the money issue comes again... and so we argue.. and I'll try to make tiis...

And I feel alone again.

Thursday, November 9, 2006

Bataan Trip


There were so may things that has happened and apparently I got lost track of posting them all here... Now, I'll try to let my mind drift back in time...

October 20-21, 2006 : Saturday - Sunday

Team Blar outing in Mommy Crissy's hometown - Bataan. This was supposed to be a 4-hour drive and yet due to the stop-overs and the last minute food shopping because we are going in a not-so rural place, it ended up 6hrs. We were 24 all in all, including 5 kids.. Stayed overnight at 2 houses... Went to West Nuk beach during the Saturday afternoon. A beach resort exclusively for the power plant employees.. Water was not that clear like where they have went during the last Bataan trip, but talking about Nature.. it is beautiful.


And since I am allergic to liquor, I excused myself by just eating chicken wings while the rest of the gang were singing songs -- videoke. I would not be forgetting Mommy Amy's act, Chilay's Backstreet Boys dance, the ghost stories on the ride back to the house we were staying , laughter and fun we had.



Sunday morning, we tried to get up early to go to swim at the waterfalls. It may be scary to go down... Trying to watch the steps as you move from one stable foundation to another... But it was so darn worth it! We went home by past 3 already..

On the way home, we even though Mommy Amy's truck was jammed.. Although we were able to go home safe, exhausted and exhilarated.

And by Monday, we were all craving to go back.. wishing that we should have extended it..

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

For Your Eyes Only

For your eyes only
Can see me through the night
For your eyes only
I never need to hide
You can see so much in me
So much in me that's new
I never felt until I looked at you
For your eyes only, only for you
You see what no one else can see
And no one breaking free
For your eyes only, only for you

But love, I know you needed me
The fantasy you freed in my
Only for you, only for you
For your eyes only
The nights are never cold
You really know me
That's all need to know
Maybe I'm an open book
Because I know you're mine
But you won't need to read
Between the lines

For your eyes only, only for you
You see what no one else can see
No one breaking free
For your eyes only, only for you
The passions that collide in me
Wild abandon side of me
Only for you, for your eyes only

Monday, October 9, 2006

Whenever I fee like dancing...

I believe that I am not a born dancer.. But all my life, I have always fancied dancing.. Although I haven't gotten the full training when I was a kid, I was able to take short courses about ballet & jazz.

When I was still a church kid, I belong to the dance ministry. I just marvel at the thought of expressing one's self when I move my body.


I wanted to try ballroom dancing.. i am a sucker for stilettos and those costumes! :) Oh well, it is starting to become a frustration.. I wish I could dance again..

Thursday, October 5, 2006

The Colour of My Love



I'll paint my mood in shades of blue
Paint my soul to be with you
I'll sketch your lips in shaded tones
Draw your mouth to my own

I'll draw your arms around my waist
Then all doubt I shall erase
I'll paint the rain that softly lands on your wind-blown hair

I'll trace a hand to wipe out your tears
A look to calm your fears
A silhouette of dark and light
While we hold each other oh so tight

I'll paint a sun to warm your heart
Swearing that well never part
That's the colour of my love

I'll paint the truth
Show how I feel
Try to make you completely real
I'll use a brush so light and fine
To draw you close and make you mine

I'll paint a sun to warm your heart
Swearing that well never part
That's the colour of my love

I'll draw the years all passing by
So much to learn so much to try

And with this ring our lives will start
Swearing that well never part
I offer what you cannot buy
Devoted love until we die

Tuesday, October 3, 2006

my humble motorola a1200

I have this fondness for PDA phones. It is what I really would like to have for Christmas.. Gosh I wish that I will be able to save up that much for one. When huhun and I went to SM Mall of Asia last weekend, I have seen this one and the thought of having an XDA Mini or an O2. I want this one:

Daisy

In paper, "Daisy" sounds like an Asian film fan's dream come true, directed by "Infernal Affairs" co-helmer Andrew Lau and starring everybody's favourite sassy girl, popular Korean actress Jeon Ji Hyun. Unfortunately, despite the talent involved, and the fact that the crew flew halfway around the world to shoot in Amsterdam , the film turns out to be a bit of a disappointment, being a clichéd romantic drama which wallows in misery and self importance.
The plot follows Hye Young (Jeon Ji Hyun), a rather naïve Korean girl who lives in Amsterdam , spending her life working in her grandfather's antique shop and doing portraits for tourists. One day, she begins receiving flowers at exactly the same time from a secret admirer, who she believes to be a mystery man from her past who once built her a nice little bridge. One day she meets Jeong Woo (Lee Seong Jae, also in "Holiday" and "Public Enemy"), who unbeknownst to her is actually an Interpol agent tracking Asian criminals in the Netherlands .
With Hye Young assuming that Jeong Woo is responsible for the flowers, the two fall very slowly into a chaste romantic relationship. However, it turns out that the man sending the flowers is actually Park Yi (Jung Woo Sung, from "Sad Movie" and "Musa"), an assassin working for a Chinese crime syndicate. Inevitably, the love triangle turns tragic and the two men end up facing off while poor Hye Young tries to work out which of the two is the love of her life.
Although "Daisy" is ostensibly a love story, it has the feel of a funeral, with a slow, sombre pace and a plot which piles on the misery. Half of the film's running time is taken up with scenes of the characters staring longingly out of windows into the rain, with the silence broken only by bouts of self pitying narration. Director Lau seems to be under the impression that the film is a weighty Shakespearean tragedy, rather than yet another gloomy hitman love story. As such, the proceedings have a rather pretentious air, despite the fact that the plot is inherently predictable and based largely around glaring clichés borrowed liberally from the likes of "Fulltime Killer" and John Woo's classic "The Killer".
Almost every aspect of the film is riddled with angst, with the three lead characters suffering as if the weight of the world was on their shoulders, and steadfastly refusing to do anything to pursue their romantic inclinations. Park Yi in particular, as the kind of overly emotional, socially retarded assassin so beloved of modern cinema, is faintly ludicrous, from his blatant incompetence on the job to his hilarious attempts to discuss impressionist painting with Hye Young or his penchant for flower growing. This languid passivity does make the film's central romance somewhat hard to swallow, and Lau's attempts to evoke the feeling that it is fate which brings the characters together comes across more as shoddy coincidence.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Lost In Space

Sometimes I get tired of this me first attitude
You are the one thing that keeps me smiling
Thats why Im always wish
ing hard for you

cause your life shines so bright
I dont feel no solitude
You are my first star at night
Id be lost in space without you

And Ill never lose my faith in you
How will I ever get to heaven, if I do

Feels just so fine
When we touch the sky me and you
This is my idea of heaven
Why cant it always be so good

But its alright, I know youre out there
Doing what youve gotta do
You are my soul satellite
Id be lost in space without you

And Ill never lose my faith in you
How will I ever get to heaven, if I do

And Ill never lose my faith in you
How will I ever get to heaven, if I do

And Ill never lose my faith in you
And Ill never lose my faith in you


Monday, September 25, 2006

Random Ramblings

It may seemed that I am getting selfish... I am feeling so -- I'd be damned but logically speaking the career that I have always wanted slipped through my fingers...

To make it correct, I did let it slip away.. Someone keeps on pushing me up.. and most of the times, he gives me the strength to move on...

Actually, he keeps me safe in this crazy world. I am grateful that he is my better half, yet.. I don't know how I could let him know that, moreover believe it..

He always assures me that we deserve each other.. and with the time that we have spent together, I can say that those are the happiest moments that I can keep until my last breathe..

The last time I fall in love with Eric Bennet is a song I heard over the radio on our way home yesterday... I have read the lyrics on his blog but haven't heard it yet...

sigh? I wonder how can make him proud of me.. really proud of me. i keep on ranting about the changes I want to happen and he does not know that with every kiss and smile that he offers makes my heart light from all the worries that I have...

And with me sometimes being happy I tend to overlook that there are concerns of his -- it makes me sad that when I try to take care of him, I always lack on e aspect.. I am not blaming myself though, but I marvel how fate keeps us growing and going even if most of the time it causes us pain.
And he doesn't know that I am proud of him... Like what he once said, do not fret my dear.. eventually you will get there.. Give yourself some space.. It is your first time to be the head of your org.. and the skill of leading is still being developed... It was not your fault that you were sick... :) sheesh... I'll kill those people if you will get even more sick... :) but I know how it feels... it is just a challenge.. at least it is good that something stirred up... that means you value the position that was given to you..

And I admire you for the courage .. no matter how I make pigil, I know that there will come a time that you will be the man you ought to be... I don't want to take part to any of your glory.. I'll just be there gazing at you.. knowing and believing that i was just glad to be by your side... and to have you as you have me..

September Rains...

hmm.. random ramblings... I spent yesterday going to Tagaytay with Hunny and his cousins.. Tina came for vacation from Singapore.. and the usual thing that they do is gala... Although it was tiresome because it is balikan.. it is good to get out of the city for a change...

it took us about 4-6 Collete stores to find a cassava cake for Chi which eventually settled down after she ate her waffle @ Pancake house.. :)

it feels good relaxin' and chillin' out even if my leave was not approved. i guess it leaves me with no choice but to go to IBM tomorrow after my shift...

Friday, September 22, 2006

Safe In A Crazy World

I try to smile my tears away,
I try to keep my cool.
Oh but one more door gets in my way
I feel like such a fool
Trampled and bitter,
My heart just wants to bleed and stop
Believing in me.

It feels like nothing is for certain
and that nothing comes for free
When they're lowering the curtain to the theater of my dreams
I stumble and i crumble and I'm sinking to my knees for you
You cradle me

You keep me flying
You keep me smiling
You keep me safe in a crazy world
You understand me
Embrace my fragility
You keep me safe in a crazy world
And in your arms I find the strength to believe in me again

Noise keeps chasing me
No matter where I go
Oh and life likes pretending that it's on a TV show
When it's hard to tell what's real
From what the world just wants to preach
You are the voice I seek

You keep me flying
You keep me smiling
You keep me safe in a crazy world
You understand me
Embrace my fragility
You keep me safe in a crazy world
And in your arms I find the strength to believe in me again

'cause when I'm wrapped up in your arms
Nothing else can touch me
What a wonderful way to recharge
I feel like I can breathe again

You keep me flying
You keep me smiling
You keep me safe in a crazy world
You understand me
Embrace my fragility
You keep me safe in a crazy world
And in your arms I find the strength to believe in me again

Monday, September 18, 2006

Moving Forward

Considering the fact that I was late for half-day at work, I have again realized the pains of working at day shift.. I so hate the sun (although I am thankful that it chose to shine -- because it will be more difficult to travel when it is raining)... scorching hot?

I was even amazed because my boss allowed me to go on half day.. Not knowing that I have a demo process for another non-agent position.

I thought that working at day shift (even if I tried ignoring the 20% night differential -- which just goes to my tax) will be less painful for me... was I ever wrong.. I am still in the adjusting -- and as usual... coping up with the everyday morning rambles.

I am tired of being an agent.. which goes to the resolution that I need to find another job that will challenge me and so I can make use of the skills that were long buried for almost two years now..

I am totally sedated -- I go to work just for the sole purpose of earning.. That is just it.. No other reasons ... I am not helpless. I just actually would want to have something that I can really call "career" -- something that is really worth having.. something that is to be proud of ...

my baby is still sick.. and I am trying my best to take care of him. We "almost" went to Tagaytay with the rest of his cousins last Saturday but it was postponed... settled for eating pizza @ Libis then Starbucks. Although there was dinner last night, I went home instead after celebrating Rica's birthday...

It was also my nephew's birthday.. just turned 3.. so adorable and at an early age, one can sense the quick-witted yet meek attitude from him...

i miss hunny...


Sunday, September 10, 2006

My Idea of Heaven

I never thought I'd get here;
I was so far away
I didn't believe in love,
thought it was just a game
People played
Everything changed when I met you
I touched your hand,
you took my heart
And you led me to a better place,
just the two of us
In the dark...

This is my idea of heaven,
lying here with you
This is my idea of heaven,
nothing else, I'd rather do

I never thought you'd get here,
why'd you make me wait?
And when I looked into your eyes,
I recognized your words
My faith
I've been living in a lonely shell,
with no windows, to the world
How in God's name did you find, a lonestar
Loneliest girl...


This is my idea of heaven,
lying here with you
This is my idea of heaven, nothing else,
I'd rather do

To feel your heart, beating
To feel our limits, meeting

This is my idea of heaven, ooh
In heaven, love is everywhere
There is no pain, there are no tears
In heaven, love lasts forever, it doesn't, disappear...

This is my idea of heaven, lying here with you
This is my idea of heaven, nothing else, I'd rather do

To feel your heart, beating
To feel our limits, meeting

This is my idea of heaven, ooh
This is my idea of heaven, lying here with you

Thursday, September 7, 2006

Nearness Of You


It's not the pale moon that excites me
That thrills and delights me, oh no
It's just the nearness of you
It isn't your sweet conversation
That brings this sensation, oh no
It's just the nearness of you


When you're in my arms and I feel you so close to me
All my wildest dreams come true I need no soft lights to enchant me
If you'll only grant me the right
To hold you ever so tight

And to feel in the night the nearness of you




*****
it will not be long now.. but it is quite amazing to feel this way.. two years and having this feeling like the first time our eyes met is wonderful. never failing me to sweep me off my feet.. always giving me goosebumps.. and with a sigh .. ^.~
i did not wish to fall for you.. it just happened, it happened when you smiled at me.. and our eyes met... ^.~


Tuesday, September 5, 2006

What About Love?


What if I took my time to love you?
What if I put no one above you?
What if I did the things
That really mattered?
What if I ran through
Hoops of disaster?

No one would care if
We never made it
We're in this alone
So why don't we face it
There is no room to
Blame one another
We just need time to
Forgive each other

What about love?
What about feeling?
What about all the things that make life worth living?
What about faith?
What about trust?
And tell me baby... what about us?

How can I give this
Love a new beginning?
How can I stop the rain?
It's never ending
How do I keep my soul believing?
Memories of how we
Should be keep calling

I'll take the rivers rise
I'll take the happy times
I'll take the moments of disaster


^.~ I've read Jenny's email. It contained something about this song. Really now, this is something that I have thought about before. And love is more than a word to describe a certain feeling. It's like stating a lot of explanations but nothing would really suffice, not capture its real meaning.. sigh? And no on will be able to fathom the real description.. More than a state of being elated, more than the comfort that you feel holding when you hold someone's hand, more than the warmth of a lover's embrace, more than the security of waking up each morning knowing that someone is thinking of you.


^.~ I believe that it is the greatest state or feeling that could change the whole world --- but at the same time, it can bring the most powerful person to his knees.. How wonderful it is to love and be loved in return.. But what if it dies? so they say, what if one grows out of love? instead of smile, it brings tears; instead of laughter.. it brings heartaches.


^.~ Hmmm... how utterly ironic. So, what about love?

These Are The Few Of My Favorite Things


these are the few of my favorite things.. I remember singing this song with Maria.. one of the songs on the original soundtrack  of The Sound of Music which I have watched almost a hundred times already (of course I am exaggerating... ^.^)! Funny thing is, I have alot of favorite things! :)



Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things
Cream colored ponies and crisp apple strudels
Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings
These are a few of my favorite things
Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes
Silver white winters that melt into springs
These are a few of my favorite things

When the dog bites

When the bee stings
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel so bad


ice cream . ballet . chocolate cakes . pocketbooks. magazines . sims . butterflies and rainbows . blues and violets . paintings and sketches . beaches . hot-air balloons . bungee jumping . opera . caramel macchiato . and the list goes on......

Monday, September 4, 2006

Sweet Mondays

oh well.. it has been a peaceful and sweet Monday for me. After spending the past three days contemplating... (ha! I like to use that word.. ) I was able to find solace in letting God do His thing.

after re-thinking and finding solutions... worrying sick up to the point that I don't want to come to work, I was able to let live and let God. The typical Gemini -- always want to be in control. always want to feel secure. sigh? someone was able to make me come into my senses that no matter how I think about resolving things at the same time, I will not be able to do so...

take it easy.. so he says. hunny has always been the calming voice that soothes my worries. moccha frappe or caramel macchiato will be a great way or relaxing... and waste about 150 bucks for Timezone will help me de-stress (if there is such a word)... but I am trying to play Sims for a change. :)

I do thank my manager for the assistance though, I have been one of the most demanding agents on the team.. hehe but I am proud to say I do deserve to have some credits at times though.. haha.. I wonder what Cat will think after she reads this..

Carpe Diem! Seize the day! :)

Friday, September 1, 2006

Contemplating

sigh? here am i contemplating again.. Contrary to my nature... when I prefer to think. I don't want to be disturbed. And I really am not speaking at all. Plus it adds up the fact that I am not feeling well. I feel that I am going to be sick and I know that it is not ..."only in the mind" as what I usually say.

whew.. I don't even know what to feel right now. I just passed up the opportunity for the career that I would like to have... actually it just to put it mildly. It has been the job that I always have dreamed of having... and why the hell did I let it pass? because of the schedule... graveyard. darn it.

I have been on the evening to graveyard shift for a year and a half now when I was granted the morning shift after a lot of strenuous and not-that-easy process here at MSN. And just after a week I turned down the proposal. I even promised myself that I will not have any regrets because I am trying to live a normal career on the morning.

And right now I am so close to just quitting because of the selfish management who does not know how they will be able to at least commend the efforts of their employees. Rubbish... and please don't ask my what the heck am I doing here..

I just wanted to shout right now...

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Pachelbel's canon in D Major


how is wish there are lines in the music of Pachelbel's canon in D Major... it is very soothing to the ears and it is one song that can make me smile..

what can i say? it is heavenly... and definitely, this will be my wedding song as I walk down the aisle when i get married..

that is... if he will propose... hahahaha

Sunday, January 8, 2006

for my sleepyhead...

for my sleepyhead:

hope you don 't change...
I try to smile my tears away
I try to keep my cool
Oh but one more door gets in my way
I feel like such a fool
Trampled and bitter
My heart just wants to bleed and stop
Believing in me
It feels like nothing is for certain and that nothing comes for free
When they're lowering the curtain to the theatre of my dreams
I stumble and I crumble and
I'm Sinking to my knees but you
You cradle me
You keep me flying
You keep me smiling
You keep me safe in a crazy world
You understand me
Embrace my fragility
You keep me safe in a crazy world
And in your arms I find the strength to believe in me again
Noise keeps chasing me
No matter where I go
Oh and life likes pretending that it's
On a TV show
When it's hard to tell what's real
From what the world just wants to preach
You are the voice I seek
You keep me flying
You keep me smiling
You keep me safe in a crazy world
You understand me
Embrace my fragility
You keep me safe in a crazy world
'cause when I'm wrapped up in your arms
Nothing else can touch me
What a wonderful way to recharge I feel like I can breathe again
You keep me flying
You keep me smiling
You keep me safe in a crazy world
You understand me
Embrace my fragility
You keep me safe in a crazy world
And in your arms I find the strength to believe in me again

btw: to hear the song click on this link: http://www.corrinnemay.com/safe/flash/index2.htm and then choose song #5

Wednesday, January 4, 2006

decisions.. decisions...

sigh... stupid customers... grrrr! they are really getting into my nerves and honestly, this job is not healthy for me anymore.. i have gotten so used to it that it really bores me now...

it is like no excitement going to work, i can't even find my smiling by just the thought of it. one thing that I have learned is that you have to love your work, what you do and the environment that surrounds you.. or else you will not be able to enjoy it and you will not be able to grow.

it is not that i am so negative about this company. I have learned a few good things and learned so many lessons here, met many friends also like the wave1 peeps who taught me about webtree.. the Team Great Taste... (my beloved wave 4 mates), my Team andrew buddies up to the lats team where i have been... and the other waves people who were so nice and friendly enough -- both L1 and L2's .. :)

not mention one person that really have helped me alot in my stay here is my boss- hehe the only person that I really respected as a the team manager ..
and now, am ready to move forward and broaden the horizons... it does not mean that i am to leave them... it is just stepping forward to what lies ahead. after all, how can i forget these people? they are my first TMs and colleagues. and it has been a pleasure working with them...
i look forward to knowing more friends and learning more lessons... hopefully on a different country...
i just hope that huhun will be with me.. although there is a part of me that tells me that he will stay here... sigh? decisions.. decisions...

Tuesday, January 3, 2006

all in a day's work


sigh.. just came from work.. actually I am still here @ the office but I have just finished the mandatory that they have assigned... and then canceling it after I have just finished rendering mine... tsk..tsk.. how rude???

anyways.. I have just filed a leave, wishing that it would be approved and I am not talking to my boss that much.. he is such a fake!!! and he even tries to give out cadbury chocs to all his agents... hahahaha (suhol??)

and i miss my huhun.. maybe because we haven't spend quality time together these past few weeks, although we see each other almost everyday.. it was unlike the former days when everything was sweet....

well.. i do know that not every time is supposed to be sweet... well... wala lang -- maybe i am in the "officially missing him" mode... yikes and baduy???
sigh.. seriously.. i do miss him... i am this close to asking him to have lunch with me... because for sure he'll be getting up late because he slept late... and baka he will just advise me to sleep na lang...

btw, i was late last night... well almost. huhun woke me up by 6, i woke up by 730... hehehe.. and my shift was 915 or 930 ata???? yep, and he ended up making hatid... huh??? i really miss hunny...

Sunday, January 1, 2006

superman

save me?


I feel my wings have broken in your hands
I feel the words unspoken inside
And they pull you under
And I will give you anything you want, oh
You are all I wanted
All my dreams are fallin' down
Crawling around...
Somebody save me
Let your warm hands break right through
Somebody save me
I don't care how you do it
Just stay (stay with me)
Stay
C'mon, I've been waiting for you
I see the world as folded in your heart
I feel the waves crash down inside
And they pull me under
I will give you anything you want, oh
You are all I wanted
All my dreams have fallen down
Crawling around...
Somebody save me
Let your warm hands break right through
Somebody save me
I don't care how you do it
Just stay (stay with me)
Stay C'mon, I've been waiting for you
All my dreams are on the ground
Crawling around...
Somebody save me
Let your warm hands break right through
Somebody save me
I don't care how you do it
Just stay with me (stay with me)
I made this whole world shine for you
Just stay
Stay
C'mon, I'm still waiting for you

save me..



i don't know what my reaction would be.. if I will be happy that I have "managed" to survive year 2005 alive or if I'd be so moping over things that did not turn out the way I have expected them to be..

i am working on New Year's Eve.. Funny that many people will rather stay at home and welcome 2006 but i decided to take calls instead. why?? a part of me wants to enjoy with my family.. a family that is currently at the point of breaking right now.. need i to say more??

I'm not sure exactly how it is I manage to end up in these situations. I mean, one minute I'm just minding my own business, and the next, I suddenly find myself under a heap of new responsibilities.


and as they say.. what you don't know wont hurt you.. it is better that I did not explore the stupid blog... i just wanted to know you and to somehow see if I have grown to know something about you that is true during the past year... one thing for sure... if you are reading this right now... i love you... i love you so much that I am about to cry infront of my pc.. i can't help it..

i have fallen... and there is no turning back--

it is not a matter of trust. it is a battle that rages inside that even one person tries to fight it, it can't be helped. the feeling is there and the damage is done. the pain relives itself.. this is the monster that keeps me awake at nights... this is the one true thing that knocks my defenses down.. i don't know when i am bound to overcome it.. or if ever there will come a time that i will be able to...

i am not asking for anything else... i know that what you have shown it pure all along... but somehow... it pains me to know that at that certain point in time you have desired someone else but that girl was not me...

and it is the green-eyed monster... the insecurity that eats up all the confidence me... all the strength that i have left...

again, i am in the situation as before but this time... i am not leaving the responsibility that i have taken at work... i don't know... maybe this is something that will keep me preoccupied in the next few hours..

i wonder why guys are like that? maybe it is normal for them... but i cannot find any explanation that will suffice the questions that i have in mind all through those years when i hear of people like other people even if they already have someone else to call their own...

and maybe i live in fairytale... wherein i can find chivalry and loyalty and honesty alive in a world that I choose to be.. hopeless romantic... given the chance, i choose to love someone with all my heart. to that person alone...


my thoughts... my dreams.. my life..

:'(

that each time something like this comes up, it knocks my world upside down... i hate myself to react like this... past is past... so they say - but knowing that in one split second, one thing can change into another hurts me...

darn it... why do i love you this way? why am i affected by these certain things.. why am I so weak??

why do i always feel like there will come a time that i will not be having you by my side? is it a premonition of what is to come??? or is it just this monster eating me up slowly...

i did not want to go to China alone... one reason is that i don't have high hopes when it comes to long distance relationships.. i wanted to be with you... share everything that is good and beautiful with you... :(


crazy as i am right now... i love you that much...

i don't like celebrating the first day on the year moping over something that i am supposed to conquer... and i hope in the love i have for you i can find the strength to survive this fear ...

and you always mention... if i look for you i will not find you.. but if i need you, you will be here..

i need you right now... in the most desperate times that i am buried in the lowest emotions that I can ever have now...


please save me?